About M.E.


Let’s start at the beginning. When I was five my best friend was a pet rock.

When I was five my best friends were a couple of rocks, or “pet rocks,” as my mom called them. I used to bathe them, brush them, name them and put them to bed every night.

My mom is very American in a stereotypical way. Blonde hair, blue eyes and freckles, wranglers, and country music. She used to strip and wore frosted blue eye shadow. She says things like, “don’t worry, I cooked the shit outta that pork.” My dad, on the other hand, is a Persian immigrant, a traditional, opinionated human who pronounces “sprouts,” like “spirts,” and once told me that women loved him because he had, “the voice of the angels, baby.” I grew up in the middle of those two humans and while I think it made me “well-rounded,” I’m probably also a little bit nuts.

I go to therapy once per week and am really big on self-care because I suffer from anxiety and depression. WEEE! Sometimes I write about it.

My husband is Italian. I met him while studying in Italy. I was dancing on a table when I decided to aggressively hit on him by giving him my number and commanding him to call me, “next Thursday.” We’ve been married for five years. We have a poodle who we love but who is also an asshole.

I’m currently watching a video of a handicap goat frolick. I’m a big fan of handicap animals. And, I love the majestic Capybara. For one day, I will have one and he shall be named Dwayne.


13 thoughts on “About M.E.

  1. Pingback: New To M.E.? | Dirty Filthy Things

  2. The Dimwit Diary

    Like, whoa. Sorry to get all Valley Girl on you, but I, like, totally like your writing style. Brutal honesty is the way to go, if I’m being honest. Cheers to you and to drunks.

  3. Gina Burdett

    Love your style of writing! Honestly look forward to
    Reading your posts as they often make me laugh out loud!
    Thanks for your honesty and for putting yourself out there! Bravo!!

  4. julietc

    I think you are hilarious, technically I am probably an older woman but I proper love a good and appropriate swear word. Originally I’m a kiwi so pretty fluent in sweary words, but now I live in Scotland near Glasgow where they have perfected it – seriously move here as the swearing is poetic and really beautiful, they also drink a lot so apart from the crap Scottish weather life is great, I think you’d like it. Anyway I love your writing, you are brilliant


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