10 Things That I’ve Learned About Arizona

1. It’s hot. Yet, white people from all over the US flock here, and then complain about the heat.

2. Pretty much everything here can kill you. Scorpions, black widows, killer bees, snakes, rednecks with guns, hungry fat girls…

3. Phoenix is actually fun and surprisingly diverse despite the staggering violations on human rights that Arizona is growing famous for. We might lynch you, but we sure are fun!

4. It’s over 108 degrees today, yet our neighbor has her dogs outside on a cement porch. Apparently, some people here confuse dogs for cacti.

5. People here can drink! I’m all for the wine stores, fun restaurants, and cute clubs. I’m not that excited about the drunk bro culture. It’s like AZ collects rapey frat boys.

6. This sign is everywhere: “No guns allowed,” because some people obviously read better at Barnes And Noble with a rifle on their back?

7. Everyone is extremely concerned with how Francesco got his green card. He’s been asked multiple times, “but I’m sorry how does you get a green card?” I’m not sure if it’s genuine curiosity or if everyone is trying to deport my husband.

8. There are a lot of rich people and a lot of people who live in tin houses. Sometimes I want to get all Robin Hood on their asses and relocate lawn nomes to the Campbell’s soup can houses. Cause sad.

9. There are a lot of good restaurants here. Postino, Liberty Market, Rum, to name a few. This isn’t funny, it’s just really surprising. And delicious.

10. There are two types of Arizonians: The transplants, a delicate, often well off retiree, and a native. The natives are rare, hard-to-spot survivalists, who would probably fair well during the Zombie Apocolypse which I’m pretty sure they’ve been preparing for since birth (I think they are born blending in with the desert). Seriously, my brother in law is totally going to have to adopt us when the zombies come, which I’m certain he’d be excited about because a native would totally find that “fun.”

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One thought on “10 Things That I’ve Learned About Arizona

  1. Helena

    Hey, really informative and funny as always 🙂 – I had no idea there were so many deadly things in Arizona. I went on a road trip around that area 2 years ago – I loved the landscape! we didn’t interacted much with the locals, we only had a brief chat with a rockabilly couple that own a 2nd hand shop in Kingman, and got offered some ketamine by a bloke with no nose in Flagstaff. Can’t wait to hear more about your adventures in the US.xx

    Reply

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