“Nice” Is Not A Redeeming Quality

Something that I’ve become fascinated with recently is the exterior versus the interior life of everyone around me. It’s been sparked by this sort of ridiculous notion that human beings take everything at face-value. It’s something that I’ve been noticing more and more in dealing with my husband and his family. They are a private, secretive people who put on different faces depending on who they are interacting with. Of course, I alter myself too, but less dramatically. I would have to at least slightly, otherwise I wouldn’t have a job as my really LDS company might not appreciate my potty-mouth, among other things. Am I someone else around them though? No. I’m me with the same opinions and the same ways of being only slightly more PG than PG 13. But that’s neither here nor there, what I’m trying to say is that some people are very, very different depending on who they are around. That’s a given? Not really. I find it interesting that people really have a hard time understanding this concept.

If you were to ask someone I’ve been in a fist-fight with, and yes, there are a good amount of those people because I grew up a sort of scrappy little shit, they’d probably say that I’m a Image

dick-head at best. If you asked one of my best friends they’d say I’m awesome, sweet, wonderful, caring, giving, or at least I hope they would. People are not one dimensional.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because I’ve had some unfortunate experiences in this area recently based on a very closed-minded understanding of human behavior. For anyone who reads, Surviving In Italy, they know of my struggles with my in-laws. However, because my in-laws are good hosts a number of humans who have met them have made comments on how I must not be understanding things correctly because they are actually, “super nice.” And they are super nice. I never even implied that they hate everyone in the known universe or that they kill kittens or eat babies. They simply, are not historically nice to me. World, nice is subjective.

Ted Bundy was nice, charismatic, and charming according to everyone he wasn’t chopping into tiny pieces. My best friend is nice, according to me, but she’s also a sociopath and displays that behavior to the rest of the world frequently. Husbands who beat their wives and children are often considered lovely and charming by their friends, family and co-workers, and sometimes a loving, wonderful husband verbally abuses his employees. Human behavior is not so simple that the way someone treats one person is the same way that they treat everyone.

People are complex and three-dimensional. Everyone should remember that not just for me but in order to be a fair human in life. People are always so shocked when some “great” guy turns out to be a pedophile or murders his family. If people realized that charm doesn’t always extend to everyone, all the time, there would be less shock in the world. And less women left alone to deal with their abusive husbands by themselves, or less children in the same situation, or less teenage girls cast into the shadows because her date rapist couldn’t have done it because he was super fucking nice according to his football team, his coach, and his mommy.

Nice is not a redeeming quality. Life Lesson. You’re Welcome.


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